Accepting me Accepting you
by A x Stupid x Lamb
Summary: Carlisle's life before and after his change. The adventures he had and the people he met shaped the person we know as Carlisle Cullen. Here is his story through his eyes.
1. Chapter 1

Carlisle Chapter 1

"What?!" oh dear I made father mad. Opps.

"Well father I am not going to accuse innocents for being a vampire or any creature without a proper trial and hard evidence" I was standing up for the poor people my father had killed and the ones he wanted me to commit that dreadful act upon aswell.

"You disobey your father?" I couldn't take it anymore so I stood up, flew to the door, picked my coat up, and left.

"On this one account father. I will not kill simply because of false accusations" I informed him.

"Do not return, you are no son of mine Carlisle" I closed the door and set off for anything to keep me from my troubled mind.

"Right proud I am of that man" I muttered sarcastically. "Killing innocents needlessly, what's the harm in that?" He makes me sick sometimes. I wandered the streets of London searching. If I find no creatures of myth tonight I will give up and never speak to my father again. Is this where my life is headed? Will I become like father? A murderer? Me? No, I will not allow it.

"Carlisle" I turned to find my friend Anthony coming towards me.

"Good morrow my friend" I greeted.

"Good day Carlisle. Why are you stumbling London's streets at this hour?" it had gone far beyond 10 pm by now.

"Banished" I replied simply.

"The good hearted Carlisle banished? Whatever for?"

"Speaking my mind"

"You'll get in far to much trouble one day my friend" He warned.

"I would rather be banished for speaking the truth then because I wrongly accused someone of being a monster" I told him.

"You have much more of your mother in you just because I see none of you father in you at all. Your heart is in the right place"

"Thank you, I truly hope so"

"I must go now, father wishes me home before the day draws to a close"

"Until we meet again, dear Anthony" I called as he hurried away in the direction of his home. I again set off down pointless alleys and pathways never finding a purpose for my stroll. I decided to see if anyone was indeed acting suspicious enough to make them an immortal of some kind. I was not quick to judge anyone of course because I refused to even believe such a thing was possible. I looked in dark corners and down winding streets. I came across a sewer and thought I saw movement from underneath. I gasped and looked closer. I saw a pair of beady red eyes staring back at me. I didn't stop to think I turned and sprinted back the way I had come. I would go back and tell father how sorry I was and that I have found one of them. A vampire. Here in London! My legs took me faster then ever and I arrived back at the house soon enough. I banged in the door with adrenaline fuming through me.

"Father, Father please I beg of you open the door! I have found one of them father. A vampire!"

"I thought you didn't believe me" I heard from the other side of the door.

"I didn't and I'm sorry I should have but please I need your help"

"no, you have betrayed me and for that you are no longer my son. Leave and never darken my doorway again" I was getting nowhere here. I just turned and flew down the road. I reached Anthony's house within mere minutes. I knocked and Anthony's Father came out.

"My dear Carlisle! What are you doing out at this hour of the night?"

"Good evening sir, I am deeply sorry for disturbing you but I was wishing to speak to Anthony, it's urgent" he gave a nod and went in to retrieve Anthony. Anthony came out and closed the door behind him.

"Carlisle, what has shaken you?" he asked as he took in my frightened stance.

"I'm so stupid Anthony, not believing father. I seen one, tonight, a vampire"

"Are you sure you are not taken ill my friend? What would your mother think if she saw you like this" he scolded.

"It's been 23 years since Mother died giving birth to me Anthony. I didn't even know her. I wouldn't know what she would have thought" I replied bitterly. "sorry but I really have seen a creature of the night and my father would not be swayed by my pleas"

"where did you find it?"

"in the sewer down there" I pointed in the rough direction of the sewer. He nodded and the open the door, stepped in and came back with a coat. He slid it on as he spoke

"well lets go get this beast then" he muttered.

"Thank you Anthony you really are a true friend" we started walking down the all to familiar pathways and alleys. Anthony grabbed a few more friends on the way down. We were at a mighty 4 now. Someone thought it funny to bring a pitchfork and torch. I gulped as I spotted the sewer just a few steps ahead of me. Oh god am I really going to do this?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I slowly edged my way forward. I had always been taught to be cautious. When I was about three steps away I heard a musical voice weave its way through the sewer.

"Subsisto! Humanus!" they spoke in Latin. I knew he said stop! Humans! So whatever was down there was defiantly not human. I had been educated in Latin ever since I was a boy.

"Valde puteus" was the reply, which meant very well.

"Ego mos nutritor" 3 words. I … will…feed. I took a step back and a figure came bursting out of the sewer. He stood with a crazed look in his eyes and they were the same vivid red. He obviously turned against 'feeding' as he called it, because he flew over us and took off running. I was close behind him but then all of a sudden he turned and… and…pounced. I was knocked to the floor and the vampire was on top of me. I couldn't move at all. I felt a slicing pain on my neck. I screamed in agony. Suddenly the weight was off of me and I looked to see bodies on the floor. 2 of them. 2 people were dead because of me! I then heard a piercing scream coming from ahead and what I saw made me feel lifeless. Anthony in the arms of the monster, they turned the corner and he was never seen again.

"Anthony!" I screamed but no one returned. I then felt aware of a burning agony most indescribable. It felt like the strongest poison searing its way through my body. Surly father would come and find me when no one has seen me. Great I cant let my father see me like this. I guessed I was becoming one of them. I would get burned alive if he saw me. No I couldn't let that happen. I crawled until I came to a pile of rotten potatoes. It will have to do. I hid myself in them and tried to not say a word, which believe you me is not the easiest thing to do while your burning alive. I beckoned myself to stay immobile. An unshed tear formed in my eyes for my dear friend who I had known for all of my life. _Rest in peace Anthony, you deserve it._ I thought _and have no fear, I will not be like the beast that took your life. _I vowed. I would miss him dearly, he understood me, and he was about the only person who did. I made it through the grueling 3 days like that, making promises to my long lost friend. When it finally passed I shoved myself free from all the potatoes and looked down the alley. No one was around. The sky was covered in a blanket of shadows, so it was night. I didn't know what to expect when I moved to the end of the alley, but I didn't expect the speed in which I moved. Better yet my vision was not impaired at all. I felt a small twinge in my throat which was getting more potent until it became an uncomfortable burn and then I looked down the street I saw a figure. Then my new mind made the connection. Unconsciously I wanted the poor persons blood. I wanted to drain every single ounce of there blood like the monster I was. I took off in the opposite direction and found myself in the woods. What have I become? _I'm sorry Anthony; I should have joined you by now_. We'll that's what I'll do then. End my so-called immortal life. Well I was going to put that name to the test.


	3. Chapter 3

My mind flipped through the many possibilities of how I could do this. End my own life. I would try jumping from great heights to start with. I doubted very much that I would succeed in my futile attempts at suicide. When I was at the cliff edge I didn't bother thinking about it I just flew over the edge. I plummeted to the ground and landed with a loud thud on the ground. I got up unscathed. Too bad for the ground though, I thought as I looked at the giant hole I had made in the soil. I sighed and got up and trailed my way back to the forest to start again. Right, so jumping from heights is off the list therefore that probably means my bones can't break. What does that leave? Drowning, I suppose. This is what my life has come to? I trudged my way to the shoreline. What a tumultuous life of mine, I thought wryly. Well, hopefully my so-called life will come to a stop very soon. I sunk in the water and was now up to my neck. No one was around thank god. Because this would look a little weird. I took another step forward, and another until I was finally submerged. I waited and waited. Nothing happened. No burning in my lungs. No loose of breath whatsoever. I wanted to curse so badly now. Why was god keeping me here? What purpose was a doomed man on this earth? I swam back to the shore and dragged myself onto the sand and lay there, emotionally exhausted.

"Why the long face?" I heard a voice ask. I looked up to find a man in a long billowing black cloak. He held his hand out to me.

"Come on" he spoke. I took his hand and he pulled me to my feet.

"There is no point trying to accept me if you cannot accept yourself Carlisle" He appeared to have glasses on and I couldn't help but wonder why. It seemed a miserable day out. The weather had turned against itself. Black clouds scattered the sky.

"My glasses are for mere camouflage" he answered. But I didn't say a word about that out loud. How did he know that was that I was thinking about?

"Who are you?" I asked

"My name is Aro. And you, have strayed too far off your own path haven't you" he commented. He turned to face me now.

"Being what you are Carlisle is not a curse, not all of us are like the uncivilised creature you met" he raised his hand and removed the glasses that framed his head.

Red eyes stared into my core and I was frozen.

"So can you accept that I am one of you?" He asked me curiously.

"That depends" I eventually replied.

"On weather I kill humans. That is an undeniable part of us Carlisle. We must feed or risk becoming weak"

"Can we die from starvation?" I asked

"No, there are a limited number of ways we can be killed so I would give up trying." He informed me. "So once again I ask can you accept me?" I nodded

"Yes I accept you" he seemed pleased with my response

"Then you are ready to accept yourself for what you are. Be grateful for what you have rather than wallow in all you have lost. Enjoy your existence my friend" he turned and walked away

"Wait!" I called after him "will I ever see you again?"

"You may find me if you like. In Italy I presume"

"How do you know so much about me?" I called out to him

"Mind reading comes in handy once in a while" he responded and then he was gone.

"Accept yourself" I heard the echo in the wind. "Your ready" the sounds blended with the howling wind around but were distinct in its own right. It was at one with nature.

"Accept myself. How can I do that when I don't wish to be a monster?" I muttered. I ended up back where I had started. The woods. I had come in a full circle but was I willing to break that circle?


	4. Chapter 4

**_Chapter 4_**

I remained in the woods for a lifetime it seemed. But eventually I paid attention to notice that my body felt peculiar, weak. Not weak as in the drain of all energy but my mind was not as sharp and my vision was a bit less clear then what it had been. Another thing, my control was weakening. I kept thinking of killing, feeding and wanted to head straight to town. However I kept myself contained but the more I try to tell myself to stay put, the more dominant the other side becomes. It's like a battle, and I was running out of ammo, I was going to loose. Just when I thought I was on the brink of running I was bombarded with a scent so pure it belonged in heaven. The perfect scent of freesias, roses, lilies, lavender and all the flowers you can name. So wildly with thirst I attacked without knowing. My teeth ended up sinking into the flesh of a lone deer.

I bled the poor thing dry and threw the corpse on the floor. On the one hand, I didn't have to kill humans but on the other hand was I going to smell that near humans too? I would have to build some sort of immunity to the smell if I wanted to act relatively normal ever again. I would do this for Anthony. I would live my life normally, like he would of wished for me. I needed to leave so I decided I would go to Paris, lets see if it lives up to the hype. But how would I get there? I couldn't take public transport. Humans. The only thing I could think of was swimming. I took off, without thinking, to the sea. I allowed the water to lap at my toes. Just as I was about to set off into the sea that scent hit me again but ten times more flagrant. However impossible it seemed, it was. I turned to see a young boy walking along the beach. He was miles away. I could smell him from that far? Without thinking another word I launched into the sea and never stopped swimming. My legs and arms carried me over the waves. I never breathed, I didn't need to, and I ended up on the coast of France within the day.

It was nighttime when I hauled myself to shore. The starts twinkled like diamonds in the sky and I just lay on the beach for a few hours, admiring the spectacular display. When the sun started to break through the horizon I got up and roamed the unfamiliar streets if Paris. I checked into a hotel near the coast, being very careful to hold my breathe near the receptionist. No one was awake now so I decided I would go to the hotels library seeing as I couldn't sleep or anything. I roamed the shelves and found a few medical texts and non-fiction stories. I rummaged through the medical texts and was automatically captivated by its words. It was amazing how much could happen to a human! I mean there are the everyday things like colds, flues, hay fever and then the contagious things like German measles, scarlet fever. Regrettably there are the fatal illnesses too like cancer and the Spanish influenza. I pondered over its pages with avid interest and didn't move for hours. I finally moved when I heard someone heading this way and I quickly shuffled out the room.

I ended up in my hotel room and I closed the curtains so no light would come in. Light, I had realised in the past few days, is not good, I sparkle. The weirdest thing but there it is, I sparkle. I decided that if I cannot die I would help those who could. I will become a doctor; at least then I know I am doing some good in this world. I will fight my nature because I am Carlisle Cullen and am not a monster.

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Kind of an "in your face" kinda thing going on there Carlisle lol REVIEW!!


	5. Chapter 5

**_Hey sorry it took so long guys, i was uterlly stuck on it until a friend gave me some inspiration and even then i couldn't think lol. so thankyou and without furth adeiu heres chapter 5!_**

**_Chapter 5_**

How did I control my thirst do you ask? Well first I would go into rooms where humans had recently gone in. The smell would overpower me and venom would flow freely in my mouth. I would attempt to just sit there and not move, trying to ignore my instincts. Eventually I could quite comfortably sit there and read my books on medicine. I then took to sitting on the other end of the room from a human. That was hard the first time, and the second, and well many more times after that too. So eventually I could stomach being near humans for a short amount of time, if I really tried to. I decide I would stroll along the streets of Paris for a while until I found something to break me from my boredom. I passed endless shops of clothes and jewellery; Paris really was the place to shop!

"I see you have been working hard" I turned to be greeted by the familiar cloak of Aro.

"Yes" I nodded "I am training to become a doctor one day" I told him truthfully.

"A doctor? Why you have come very far since the last time I saw you my friend"

"Yes, I have accepted myself and am living my life for all its worth."

"Really? You finally accepted the idea of feeding from humans?" he queried, I kept a smile as I answered

"No, I do not hunt the traditional way. Animals are enough for me" I answered passionately. He chuckled as I gave my reply

"Why Carlisle, you are the strangest man I have come to lay my eyes on. Where are you living then?"

"I'm...homeless I suppose. I currently reside in a hotel"

"We cannot have that, please it would be my honour if you would come and live with me and my family" he humbly offered. I thought about the situation though. I did need a home for a while and I couldn't keep paying out for the hotel suits, where else was I going to go?

"Thank you, you are too kind" he shakes it off as nothing and then leads the way for me to follow. We stopped when we came to a car with tinted windows. Aro gestured for me to get in the car. I did so and Aro joined me in the back.

"So how did you find me anyway?"

"Oh don't worry about that, we have our ways, my family and I" he replied, leaving me with more questions than answers.

"Very well, thank you for your offer, it is very kind, I would be forever in your debt"

"Nonsense, it is just a favour to a friend" I would have to stay with them for a few years to seem polite but to be honest I didn't mind. I needed a home. So we were off to Volterra I would be told.

" So who are your family?" I asked curiously

"Oh my … well if you had to relate them to me I would say brothers, Caius and Marcus. Caius is, well, he's very stubborn I suppose, he cant see other peoples points of view but he's very determined which makes him very useful"

"And Marcus?"

"He's more… quite and thinks things through. Im sure you will be great friends with him Carlisle" hey maybe, or maybe not.

"You diet though" I pressed, "It is humans isn't it?"

"Yes, I am afraid so"

"Would I have to hunt your way?" I slightly panicked at the idea

"No, not if you feel you don't want to" I sighed and relaxed in the cars seat. Thank god for that! I couldn't hunt the normal way, I would not degrade myself to that. So off I go, off into the unknown.

Please review, i love t know what your thinking! im no Edward you know you have to tell me what you thinking! hehehehe please do it!


	6. Chapter 6

**_Chapter 6_**

The remainder of the journey passed in silence. Soon the city of London grew into the towering torrents of Volterra. We pulled to a stop soon enough and we travelled deep underground. I didn't really care where I was; as long as I had a roof over my head I was content. Aro turned to me then.

"Before I take you to my family just know they may take to you either way, be on your guard" without further adieu I was lead further into the winding corridors. We came to a set of vast doors, they looked aged. Aro pushed them open with flair.

"Saluti brothers. I brought a friend" **(Greetings brothers) **I saw two figures turn from a crowd of people; they all wore cloaks of shades of gray and black. The two blackest cloaks stepped forward.

"Benvenuto" one of them said **(Welcome)**

"Carlisle this is Caius" I nodded and took his hand, giving it a brief shake.

"Welcome, Carlisle" His expression turned to one of curiosity and I guessed it was because of my eyes however he said nothing. He gaze then returned to Aro.

"We will be feeding soon, will you be joining us?"

"Yes, Carlisle too" he raised his eyebrows at this statement. I was utterly confused; didn't Aro say I didn't have to feed from humans? Was he lying? I couldn't do that!

"Very well" I was in the middle of a full-scale panic attack but I didn't have time to let it progress as a woman was dragged in, shackled. She was brought forth and placed in front of the four of us. She collapsed on the floor and looked up at me with tear filled eyes, she was little more than 18 I would reckon. She was in the prime of her life and she it was going to be taken away from her so cruelly. What had she done to merit such a death? I bent down to her level, cupped her chin in my hands and whispered to her.

"No pain" I assured her. It was a lie but it might make her feel a little better. She nodded and I stood up then. Aro looked at me with a mix between amazement and anger in his eyes. Then everything happened in a blur but I know one thing. When the screams started is when I turned the other way. I couldn't face what I had condemned this girl too. Her last moments were of pain, misery and betrayal. What a way to go.

I didn't look back; I knew what I would find. A lifeless corpse surrounded by monsters. That what we were, monsters.

"Are you not thirsty Carlisle?" Caius asked

"No" I responded dully.

"Come, let me show you to your room" Aro quickly said while dragging me after him.

"She didn't deserve that" I told him bitterly once we were out of earshot.

"We do what is necessary" he dismissed. The anger in me threatened to arise.

"That doesn't make it right" I snapped. We stopped outside a door and he gestured to it.

"It is yours, you may do what you wish with it" and then he took off down the corridor, leaving that recent horrific display still in my head. I was lonely even now; maybe I'll find a companion one day. I was starting to fade into the surroundings, I felt like I could do nothing about their way of life but I could do something about mine. I sensed my way out to the open and decided to go hunting. Maybe I'll sort this mess out. The sun peered across the sky then and I dodged it. Spring was on its way. Maybe spring could melt away my loneliness and give me the strength to keep my way of life so I could keep myself. I need to get settled here in Volterra to start with. So, first things first, where's the nearest university?

Hey guys sorry it is so short! tell me what you think and review!


	7. Chapter 7

**_Epilogue_**

Years have passed since I arrived in Volterra. Too many years. Yet Aro never got annoyed with me for staying so long and I just couldn't leave, I don't know why. I kept my diet and I entered into university the very first day I arrived. Caius, well he got a little agitated over my diet when he found out and he strayed away from me and still did for a good while. I've lost count of exactly how many years I have been around, the 1670's melted to the 1780's and then faded into the 1890's. Notice I used past tense? Yes that's because about 1767 is when I left the comfort of the Volturi. All I was thinking when I was there was

"Despite being surrounded by many vampires I feel more alone then ever"

All I know is that we are now in the 20th century somewhere. 1918 I believe. I am travelling the new world now. I passed university with flying colours and am now a certified doctor. Blood has no sway over me now and I am greatly relieved by the fact. Today was the day everything changes. It's my new job, which meant a new town. Chicago, Illinois is my next stop. I have also made myself a promise. I will find someone to keep me company. A child maybe. And then if god sees fit to grace me then I may find a partner. I passed a newspaper stand and I picked it up. June 20th 1901 was the last time I picked a paper up and it was 17 years later. I sighed and carried on my journey to the hospital. Spanish influenza had hit everywhere dramatically and it was hard to watch the people around die and know you couldn't join them. This was my first patient, a Spanish influenza sufferer. Elizabeth Mason I looked at my clipboard and noticed she had a son. Edward Jr. I entered their room and was astounded at what I saw. Elizabeth was tending to her son even though she was far worse then Edward.

"Miss, I wouldn't advise that, you'll hurt your own chances," I told her while helping her back into her bed

"Oh it doesn't matter sir, I am dieing anyway what is the point in dragging it out. You are new?"

"Yes, it is my first day today"

"Oh well promise me something?"

"Of course Mrs Mason"

"Do what it is in your nature to do. Save my son when his time is near, please, I beg of you. Save him!"

"I'll do everything in my power ma'am" I vowed. And I would. I looked over to the boy who looked at me with pain filled eyes. He would someday become part of my life. My long, lonely life. Aro was right that first day I met him. I wanted to tell Mrs mason of it.

"Do you accept me Mrs mason?" I asked her

"Yes" she answered

"Good, because accepting me is accepting you" I turned to leave.

"God speed your decline Mrs Mason. Leave your son to me" I walked out the door then. The next day she was dead.

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Aww so Accepting me accepting you is finished. I hope you liked it and please read my other stories!! Please review and tell me what you think.


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